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| Wrinkly cute babies
Will put up Halloween pictures soon. they involve Macdonald's happy meal, a clam, and a char siew bao. I love eating those.
Anyway, My friend Joan gave birth to the sweetest little girl!
It's so weird coz I've been seeing her with that big tummy for a long time, and suddenly it hits me that there is a life inside.
Capable of growing into a full adult and actually giving birth herself. Gulp.
I'm gonna steal the baby.
It
is extremely freaky, but I am officially announcing that at the end of
year 2006, my maternal instincts have officially kicked in.
I am only 22 leh!
So
often I watch Maury with a frown on my face, because all these chicks, like
aged 13, say they want to have a baby, and that's why they keep fucking
so many boys.
I didn't understand why anyone will want a baby
when they are totally incapable of taking care of it and giving it a
complete family.
NOW I KNOW WHY. Maternal instincts! It is damn scary and uncontrollable!
Nobody
warned me it would happen, it just suddenly did, and I want a baby
(Dammit, give me one NOW!) and I have this overwhelming urge to steal
other people's babies, especially the blonde ones!
I LOVE BABIES!
I am not irrational enough to actually try to conceive one right now, but I still do feel the urge to carry a baby in my arms.
DAMMIT!
I scared the bejeesus out of Mike when I told him I wanted him to marry me now and I want a baby.
I then informed him and I am sick and told him to ignore me whenever I show symptoms of maternal instincts.
It
is damn scary. I think I hear my womb lamenting to me sometimes, late
at night, that it has been useful since 1995 and have not been used
once since. It wantssss to be used.
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| Assorted rubbish
Dammit I keep having damn ingrown hairs!
Why the hell do women need to have armpit hair ANYWAY? It's utterly useless and I think we spend a grand total of maybe 1 year of our lives just trying to get rid of it.
Woe betide those women who pluck! I think they spend like 2 years lor. Thank god for epilators and no thanks to damn puberty.
I
think God chooses not to be contactable coz he knows that everyone will
keep hounding him about his fundamental designing flaws.
Appendixes,
for example. At least for armpit hair China men and feminists
appreciate it, but appendixes are utterly useless. If I had one less
appendix, I think my tummy might get flatter.
Cancer too. Nobody likes cancer and I don't know why He needs to put cancer in this world.
Anyway, I feel like ranting on and on today, so the topic of the day is "Being Female".
I
was in the shower just now, and as I looked at the can of Veet standing
there, marketed to be appealing to the female aesthetic sense, I just
decided it sucks to be a girl.
I woke up this morning with an
overwhelming urge to squeeze my inner thigh and found it to be dimpled
beyond reason. It's disgusting and fascinating at the same time.
WHEN DID THE DAMN CELLULITE COME?
Was it when I turned 21?
Accompanying the cellulite was a proud vericose vein, all purple and... veiny.
GOD HELP ME I AM ONLY 22!!!!!!!!
You think I'm one of those girls talking cock don't you. HERE:
Pictoral evidence.
I know it's just a small vein, but soon its friends will all come out and play.
Where was I? Yup, about how it sucks to be female.
Hairs! We have to do so much for hairs!
Why
do females come with leg hair anyway? What use do we have for it?
Unless our lao peh is Gillette, which he isn't, leg hair is totally
useless.
I have a guy friend, very handsome mind you, who said
that once he encounters a girl with pubes he would totally drop the
idea of bedding her.
o_0
YOU KNOW ONE TIME BRAZILLIAN HOW MUCH OR NOT?!!!!!!
FIFTY BLOODY DOLLARS! And you know how long it takes to grow out? 3 short weeks! And you know how painful it is?!
SHAVE INDEED!
How to shave such uneven terrains you tell me?! And down there so sensitive, wait cut dio how?!!!
ROARRRRRR
Sucks to be female.
YOU MEN SHOULD STOP BEING SO MEAN AND REQUESTING SO MANY THINGS!
Cannot have hairs, cannot be fat, cannot this one that one.
HOW TO NOT BE FAT?! See tiramisu don't eat ah?! Then we diet, you say we keep talking about dieting very annoying!
As if it's not enough, we are born with a strong impulse for retail therapy, and without a sense of direction.
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| Korean boys!
Wooah!! Am going mad!
Momo
bought this dvd back, some Korean drama called My Lovely Samsoon, and
it has two fabulously super super cute Korean boys inside!
 
They are both super cute can!
I don't know
their names, but I was reduced to a drooling tween just watching the
show, which is... erm, mediocre to say the least.
But got handsome boys mah!
Momo
was watching it with me too, totally nonplussed, and I was squealing
and going "HEN SHUAI!" every two seconds, cursing the cameras for
focusing so much on fat Samsoon (the lead female) instead of the boys.
I
asked Momo does she feel sad that because she is so old, young handsome
boys like these won't like her, and she said a rather curt no. I think
she is lying to herself.
I don't think I'd like being old.
I
kept going, "How?! I cannot decide which one is more handsome,
how?!!!!!!" in a hysterical manner and Momo quizzically asked, "Why
must you decide?"
Cheh!
She dunno one lor, I am so pretty, I stand a chance ok! What if both like me one day! And what if, both of them go like,
"Wendy, which one of us do you like better?"
"Yes, NOW! Tell us now!"
And I go stuttering, like,
"ER,
I DUNNO, I DUNNO, I LIKE BOTH OF YOU!! You got dimple and speak sexy
Korean, he got freckles and pretty eyes, I DUNNO I DUNNO!"
and they will both stomp off in a handsome huff, muttering mutinously to themselves about insincere girls and indecisive people.
I wouldn't like that now, would I?
So yes, I must go back to choosing.
Sorry
I haven't blogged for days. The only interesting thing I encountered
for the past week was a 60cents jelly-like lychee ice cream I bought.
See, I told you it was jelly-like. What a
weird surprise, you eat the ice cream thinking it's all ice and stuff,
but it turns out rather chewy.
Not too bad tasting too.
Why the handsome Korean boys like fat Samsoon? I shall learn to be a pastry chef like her.
Now I'm jealous that Z gets to go to Korea soon! | | |
| I
don't understand it, why are so many so mad over Croc shoes?
They say it's very comfy, but so are bedroom slippers, why isn't anyone
wearing them out?
Whatever - in any case, they are fucking ugly, and damn well near socially unacceptable.
As
it is, many trends already look very horrible, and along comes
another consumer frenzy of ugly products! I CANNOT STAND IT ANYMORE! WHY DO ONLY THE UGLY PRODUCTS GET SO POPULAR?
I
think most people know that it's damn ugly, but they still buy it coz
they see everyone else wearing it, and so they think "It's alright
then, I'll be ugly with them".
Pjs are comfy, and so is not wearing a bra - why isn't anyone doing it?
I hate croc shoes, they look like Ronald Mcdonalds decided to infect everyone with his sense of style.
At the very least, Ronald's clothes are matching to his shoes.
But
Croc decided that since they are ugly, they might as well bring it to
the max by tinting the thick rubbers with bright colors that will
clash with every piece of clothing possible.
Here are a range of their best colors, see which one u like?
Color 63: Horror Brinjal.
The
best shade of purple made unroyal! Girls wearing this have their sexual
attractiveness made to negative, straight boys wearing it look queer,
and queer boys will never touch anything so uncamp.
Clashes best with:
Any piece of clothing possibly. Unless you wear purple pants! Set your own style and clash! Best-seller.
Color 25: Clown Red.
Red
in it's undilated poster color shade. The rawness reminds you of
rubber bands, and the red reminds you of fake tomatos in fake fruit
baskets - yet you have never seen anything so undelicious. Clowns
Association bought 200 pairs recently and was their most alike yet.
Clashes best with:
Jeans of any color. Including red, somehow. Maybe you just shouldn't wear red jeans.
Color 13: Dead Skin Beige.
One
day our designer sat down on a bench, and noticed a homeless old man
sleeping next to him, with his feet propped up. Seeing the calluses on
that man's feet, he came up with the color Dead Skin Beige. A bold
artistic move, considering how it symbolises social standings and all.
Clashes best with:
Nothing, if you are a hobo with skin this shade.
Color 05: Liquid Paper White.
You
would think white will never go wrong, but don't forgot our company's
motto is to CLASH! This rubber is bleached an unsubtle shade of white
and then double reinforced with some liquid paper essense to make sure
it is the most unglam clone of a Bata school shoe.
Clashes best with:
Perhaps a floral skirt? We are just suggesting.
Color 08: Mustard Yellow.
Mustard
yellow is great, but only on hotdogs and maybe people with jaundice. We
considered making this a pale, more fashionable shade of yellow
perhaps, but why bother? People already say our shoes looks like clown
shoes. Let them say, whatever. We are the rich ones. And by rich we
mean very rich. You fools.
Clashes best with:
Black business pants. Love it.
Color 30: Prison Grey.
The
hobo our designer saw spoke to him a while ago (read Dead Skin Beige)
woke up and said he is homeless because he went to prison. Immediately,
images of dull, unhappy walls and grey mess tins conjured in his mind
(the designer, not the hobo). Thus Prison Grey, our new baby! Yet
another bold, artistic social standing move.
Clashes best with:
Oddly enough, it even clashes with dull prison clothes. Yeah, kinda badly designed, we know.
Color 01: Truck Tire black.
Color
no. 1!! A little story: Bet you didn't know Croc shoes were first
invented by a mechanic who had excess tires in his workshop! He melted,
cut, and TADAH! There you go. He has no sense of style.
Clashes best with:
Teeny weeny polka-dotted yellow bikinis. Oh, how it clashes!
My personal favourite is the Clown Red.
Anyway, as if it is not enough, they now came up with a new series of shoes, PARADING AS NORMAL SHOES!!!!!
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Oh god the ugliness. Somebody kill me.
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